A page from my journal

I think it’s interesting how I used to exercise faith on the level of “I might dare to dream X big” and then plot out the steps to get there. It was still faith because of the uncertainty involved whether I’d get past step 1, 2, 3.. whether that big thing I dared to dream would happen. But this past year I committed myself to some big big! things that there was no way I could accomplish given what I knew about myself at the time. But I also knew I had to say yes to them. And then God grew me and somehow not only did I climb up that ladder and jumped off the diving board but I was in the deep end, I had made it – the part that required courage – but now I faced an even greater stretch of faith because now I had to swim in the deep end. Turns out the climbing the ladder part, the stepping out into the board, jumping off – all of that was just a beginning. Because after that came a whole new reality. Reminds me of something Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote about how obedience brings us to a state of existence that was not possible without it. (Here it is: Faith is possible only in this new state of existence created by obedience.) The idea is that faith is really about the unseen. It’s the things that you know you cannot do, that God not only brings you to that point and enables you to do it but then brings you beyond that point…

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