Looking back at this year…
I started attending BSF and church. After staying away, I’m glad that Jesus came looking for that one sheep. After years of knowing God with my head I started to see with my heart. I realized how through the years I’ve tried to sincere my way to heaven; by that I mean I knew I couldn’t measure up but I thought at least I had my sincerity going for me. But God doesn’t give out points for sincerity. He doesn’t ask us to earn our salvation and we can’t. No amount of self-effort is good enough. To finally realize this is to know grace finally. But it’s not enough to know Him; when the seed falls on good soil a crop is produced, the Spirit creates a new nature in us, there is marked change. It’s impossible to meet with Jesus and remain unchanged. And through this year there’s been a discipline I’m undergoing, but He promises that “no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful, but it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who’ve been trained by it.” That is why there is reason for joy.
At work there has been increased responsibilities. Even so, this has matured me — how to face circumstances and take it in stride. How to face life’s challenges without getting stuck in how I feel about them (“This isn’t fair!”).
And then, mom’s surgeries were a blessing. First, that she would be doing an MRI for an unrelated matter and the doctors would notice a nodule in her thyroid. Second, that out of the five types of thyroid cancer it was the most common, curable one. Third, that it drew us closer as a family unit. Fourth, that church family generously brought us meals for weeks.
I’m looking ahead to what lies in 2014. It seems I might spend the second half of December getting healthy — by Saturday night dryness had become a sore throat. It may be that what I need now is rest. Lord Jesus, teach me how to rest in YOU. Another thing my parents and I are considering is buying a house, but it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Father, teach us how to pray and help us to HEAR. Finally, I want to be more giving in 2014. To he who has more will be given. The shepherds saw the baby Jesus and spread the word. Freely you receive, freely you give. God, I am ready to be more open and vulnerable, lead me one step at at time.